The Agony and the Fantasy

Well, it’s the next to last day before my Fantasy Draft and I’m chompin’ at the bit. I’ve looked over all the fantasy rankings, participated in a couple of mock drafts, and already made my selections in a Yahoo Public League. Unfortunately, none of those drafts quite match the upcoming one.

Saturday morning, I’ll be sitting with the fourth pick. Ordinarily, for most beings of the human variety, that would be just fine. The fourth pick gets you either David Wright or Jose Reyes according to the chalk.

But for a rabid Mets fan, it presents a dilemma. Do I really want to watch Mets games all year and die a little every time Reyes pops up while trying to put one over the fence? Do I want to rage at Wright every time he lets the count go to 0 and 2?

Well, the answer to both those questions is an unequivocal no. I don’t want my first pick to be a Met. If I manage to get Beltran on my second pick though, I’ll be really happy. While Beltran can be at least as infuriating as either Wright or Reyes, at least I shall not have wasted a first pick on him.

The other Mets that could wind up being Crabs (my fantasy team) are Johan Santana and JJ Putz, and maybe even Francisco Rodriguez, but I hate picking players who are coming off a career year. F-Rod won’t match last year’s numbers and, as consistent as Santana has been, there’s got to be a clunker coming up soon, especially having thrown all those innings for all those years.

Besides, pitchers are bigger risks than everyday players, what with all those injuries….elbow, shoulder, wrist, hand, fingers, it’s always sumthin’ with those damned hurlers. So I’ve made rules for myself in selecting pitchers over the years, and I’m pretty sure Santana will land elsewhere.

Putz though has been a Crab several times. This is a guy who performs very well every year and yet nobody ever selects him early. I’m pretty sure it’s his name. Who wants a Putz on his team? It’s like bad luck or something, or maybe a premonition, or possibly it may be prophetic of what your team will be….Putz!

Getting back to that first round, though, I’m pretty sure both Hanley Ramirez and Albert Pujols will be gone. The guys picking at 1 and 2 are too smart or experienced at this to just let those two fellows go floating by. After all, that first pick must be solid. In fact, the first three or four picks should be solid in order to have any chance of winning.

The third guy, my brother, says he’s taking Wright. So he probably will, barring any last-minute brain farts, but he’s more prone to gaseous selections in football. So there’s Jose just sitting there waiting for me, but I won’t take him for those reasons I’ve laid out.

Besides, Jose isn’t getting any younger and, if I may say so, he doesn’t ever seem to be getting any smarter either. And if Manuel should decide he’s the number 3 hitter, only God knows what that will do to Jose’s head. To my mind, Mr. Reyes has a somewhat fragile head, albeit one that always has a smile on it.

Other guys bat close to .300. Other guys steal bases. Hell, I could just pick Willie Taveras in the 15th round or thereabouts. Other guys hit 20 homers, even in our un-juiced era of baseball. And there are even lower-rated guys who’ll score over 100 times. I don’t need no stinking Reyes.

But who’s left? The chalk says Grady Sizemore, Miguel Cabrera, Ryan Braun, Ryan Howard, Josh Hamilton, Mark Teixeira and Jimmy Rollins, God forbid. The only one of those who appeals to me is Ryan Howard. He hits all those homers consistently and drives in all those runs. But a Philly? Do I really want a Philly, especially in this year of all years for my beloved Mets?

Howard has lost 20 pounds though. He could be more dangerous than ever before. And that’s an absolutely scary proposition. Imagine if that big guy didn’t have one of those long droughts he seems to always have! No, I won’t!! Logic won’t make me. Besides, strikeouts is also a fantasy category and, if Howard knows how to do anything besides hitting homers, it’s strike out.

Oh, one more rule, I won’t take any Yankees, unless his name happens to be Giambi, which of course is impossible this year. Interestingly enough, Teixeira takes his place this year, and for many more years to follow. But he’s out, thank God, a man has to have rules.

Miguel Cabrera….hmm. He certainly meets all the qualifications for a number one. Maddeningly consistent for average and power, and on what could be a very potent Marlins team. But he looks like a softball player, one of those guys who guzzles down a beer and then crushes the can with one hand while burping all the way. Nah! Not for me.

My list is getting really short now. Grady Sizemore, Ryan Braun, Josh Hamilton….Golly, this is hard!

Sizemore is a very nice player, does everything a bit, very consistent and this’ll be his fifth entire year. And he plays for Cleveland, a team I’ve always liked, don’t ask me why. Do I remember rooting for Rocky Colavito? Okay, he’s a definite maybe, but geez, his numbers seem Beltran-like, so why is he a number 1 and Beltran just a 2?

Ryan Braun? Hmm, he seems to be a Sizemore type, a little more power and a little less speed, a Brewer, and in what will be just his third full year. He could explode for a career year, he seems primed.

Hamilton? One full year and he died after the All-Star Game. He’s disqualified.

Hmm, Jose is looking better and better, or maybe I should move down the list…Chase Utley? But they’ll laugh!!